To celebrate the start of Job Hunting Season for 16-Year-olds, here are the Top 10 Jobs for 16 Years Old, according to a recent survey by iwantobea.com, the only website helping young people find Apprenticeships and Graduate Jobs all year round.
- Parking Sensor Beeper
A company which manufactures parking sensors has several opportunities for 16-year-olds to join them at this exciting time in the company’s expansion. The demand for beeps for parking sensors is forecast to double in the next five years. Successful candidates should be able to maintain an average beep rate of 100 beeps per minute. Candidates who can demonstrate a genealogical connection to the Road Runner will be invited for an immediate interview.
- Back Seat Driver
The London Electric Vehicle Company is based in Coventry and the company requires a 16-year-old to help them test their iconic Black Cab in simulated real-world driving conditions. Duties include sitting on the back seat texting and Instagramming, while simultaneously feigning an interest in listening to the driver explain how to phase traffic lights during roadwork’s to optimise traffic flow, or the morals of cyclists using bus and taxi lanes without needing insurance or paying road tax. For their own safety, this job is not suitable for candidates who have an Uber account.
- Tow Bar Tickler
A tow bar recycling firm has a vacancy for a 16-year-old to tickle old tow bars which have started to droop and have lost their performance. Tow bar tickling requires years of training to perfect, but this Apprenticeship will provide daily opportunities to learn how to stimulate old tow bars and get their iron filings flowing again. Candidates who can demonstrate a high level of ambidexterity in tickling, or candidates with more than the normal number of fingers, will be preferred.
- English Wheel Calibrator
A wheel manufacturing company is looking for someone to fine-tune and calibrate their complete range of aftermarket wheels. Candidates must calibrate wheels to the usual English standards. These include having an innate sense of fairness to give way at junctions where traffic lights have failed and a complete paranoia of driving in Johnny Foreigner country where they drive on the right. Candidates with double-barrelled first names or titles preferred.
- Post Code Pedant
A company which develops car satellite navigation systems is searching for someone who has a pedantic and quite unnatural enthusiasm for, and understanding of, the UK Post Code system. Requires inputting every single UK Post Code into a car’s sat-nav system to check it actually exists. Candidates who liked to read telephone books as a child preferred. The Peterborough South edition is a classic. (I used to live at PE6 4NT).
- Optional Extras Optimist
A car magazine is looking for someone who can waste the entire day creating unimaginably tasteless and garish colour combinations of new cars via online Car Configurations. An ability to be simultaneously outraged and stimulated by the eye-watering cost of cupholders made from Unobtanium, or a special leather trim from virgin Albino goats from Sardinia, would be a distinct advantage.
- Wood Grain Whisperer
A car restoration firm at Bicester Heritage which specialises in remanufacturing and restoring wooden dashboards and interior trim on classic cars is looking for someone to whisper to the wood grain to coax it into a particular pattern according to each individual car. As much of the wood comes from Walnut trees, this job is not suitable for candidates with a nut allergy.
- Hand Brake Historian
A car parts firm requires someone who has an encyclopaedic knowledge of Hand Brakes, and can differentiate between an Austin Montego Turbo Hand Brake and a Renault 5 GT Turbo Hand Brake by touch alone. The purpose of the role is to maintain the Heritage of the Hand Brake for the youth of today who otherwise think a “Hand Brake Turn” is something you do to slow yourself down when doing too much of a good thing.
- Web Forum Facilitator
A car enthusiast website is in need of a 16 year old who can moderate online chat content before it turns into a personal slugfest by the time the chat reaches page 3. Must be able to converse unintelligibly with in-jokes such as “Still prefer my Ford Mondeo” or “My Citroen Saxo would beat that”. Candidates should prepare for the following interview question: “E30 vs. E36 vs. E46?”.
- Belgian Pave Pillion
A motorcycle company is recruiting for someone who can sit like a sack of potatoes all day without saying a word. Will spend all day on the pillion seat of a motorbike while it is being tested on Belgian Pave. If you dream of bouncing repeatedly along a never-ending Belgian Waffle, then this will be your dream job. Even more so if you like being paid in potato waffles.